Being Positive is Not Enough

Being positive is a good thing. It can facilitate positivity in others when they have difficult times. It helps you to overcome negative feelings and gives you a better perception of the future. But being positive is often not enough.

The internet is full of good wishes, quotes and clichés about the positivity. There are many ‘universal’ ideas, such as ‘the universe and the God need to be trusted and everything is going to be all right’. But people often forget to see things in a wider perspective.

Bombing others with positivity will keep your relationships on a surface level. This is a level of the sympathy, but not the empathy. The empathy is when you go down to people’s heart to see what is there. There, maybe you need to face some anxiety or fear. Of course, to do this you do not need to get negative or depressed. Just listen and try to understand others. Using positivity is not enough for making connections. People need empathy, love and compassion prior to the positivity; they need real feelings before solutions to their problems. Positivity is not an omnipotent solution to all problems.

Do not Abuse with Positivity

Believe or not, positivity can be used to mistreat others. Trying to force ourselves and others to be positive could be a sort of abuse (or self-abuse). Also, if you sweep your problems under the carpet just to be positive, it is not a good solution. It is better to face your negative attitudes and feelings (if you can). Many people are unable to deal with their negative feelings, so they put on the mask of the ‘positivity’. Showing that ‘I am happy’ because ‘I am positive’ does not work in the long run. In addition, some people use this ‘abusing positivity’ to reject people, so they can blame them for not being positive. If someone is using positivity to attack, it is difficult to confront. If you show any negative emotion, you may be labeled ‘bad’, ‘negative’ or pathetic. However, I think, this is a rare situation.

Most often, people use this positivity as a mask, to protect themselves from hurting. This positivity is unreal or unauthentic because it is only present in words, but not in hearts. They try to smile, even if they are crying inside. This attitude goes against the relationship with others too. They cannot be good friends, parents or partners if they do not show their real emotions. These significant others may feel unloved and untrusted if they do not receive any emotion. They can feel that they are not good enough. So they can also put a wall to protect themselves.

So besides being positive, show your feelings when it is appropriate and try to understand other people’s feelings. Do not force anyone to be positive.

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